My foot tells me I died and escaped Ellen and went somewhere safe.
Before Tim Burton and his n word thing with his daughter my parents were careful, now I see little signs of like torture Ellen or usually for me.
Friday, February 14, 2014
At least..
I know I can watch the show until it ends. What will she do then? Still Portia? She's more like a mom to her. That makes me so jealous.
Come out of the closet.
Someone tried to insinuate they know I used to message people who wouldn't message back, good friends and acquaintances.. They said Ellen killed me. These people online- what can I say?
More Mad
I should just forget Ellen cuz she wants to believe I cursed at her and she was so mean I should have but don't want to.
I feel funny.
Ellen likes Bella just because Bella wants Ellen, but if Bella were
good Ellen would want Bella over me. It feels funny because I was
waiting for like a bunch of fans, not like feeing made fun of cuza
Bella. Like, she makes special posts and things for her when she might
not even know. Does anyone know how Bella knows when Ellen wants to
tell her something?..
I mean, it's like also she's the new favorite. She seems to have taken a spot in what I felt was my Ellen relationship, but what I wanted all along was less than what I have now. Let's talk @ it. I do feel sorta insulted and like I said I don't know why. Online, she used to have me and the other fans, and now she's gearing toward a famous teenager.. I mean that, yea, it just feels funny and I don't know why. She did post about seeing us on Monday. Let's talk @ this. Why don't ya'll ever post on my board? I mean then Ellen could talk to lots of people without showing 1 person off at me. I wouldn't have twice the fight.
I am happy, but it feels like a punishment. I just mean I get a funny feeling and don't know what it is. I've accepted already that I wanted more people in my life. I just feel like rushed, abandoned, and I want to admit I'm alone in general or more alone which makes a hole in my life like a donut that I have to fill for my tummy tum tum.
Does anyone else want in? Like on Bella? She's quite a baby, wants what she wants, takes advantage of being rude to me and treating me like a fly, too. Overally, she's nice when you get down to it but maybe needs to hang around people who aren't me. I just wanna talk about it. Like, oh, Bella.. let's sit here in standstill and just mention "Bella" every other time we do something. Funny thing is that's what happened to me, and I dont' question it really but when it would come to something like Ellen yea. I don't agree much with like say no one deserves Ellen, but she does know people.
So, just an unexplained funny feeling. Am I supposed to be jealous? Are all the juicy things going to Bella? I have to share with Bella an extra set of veins. I just feel Ellen is forgetting about me at last, which is fine and expected at least in some fashion it is to be imagined like that. Why was my time up and gone? That's not what I wanted. I had a hard time, and someone is up to no good, making fun of me about how I feel @ Ellen. I have no relationship with anyone it seems. I just feel like I don't have it now. She maybe never liked me as much as I her. I am not jealous of Bella, but I feel something has happened because of her. I do feel she gives a cry in the dark because she is part Spanish and Italian. Italians are dangerous. They hate the Chinese like the Jews. It's just so hysterical that she cries out for wanting Ellen. I mean, I thought she was confident and knew that she could meet her if she wanted just because she is famous and that Ellen also would meet attractive teenagers but not young adults, biding her time, yet again another thing. Don't you even find it selfish? I couldn't say these things before, but I guess I can just act like I'm not me. So what, I'm hurt all the time and never told Ellen to pay attention to me. I've never seen anything as selfish and high seated as this. Notice in this sentence I did not say Bella. It's just something for them to do, so why not do it to them, too? I can argue this isn't really how it is, but selfish, it's so funny to think Bella is selfish. Now, me, I just feel hurt, I'm not selfish. Like I said, I don't know why. Ellen thinks I cursed too much at her. I feel she is acting like this is a punishment and Bella is just being a *beep* like Helena Bonham Carter. These people are animals: "Why not just anyone have Tim Burton or Ellen DeGeneres? That means -I- can." That just will make people feel at a loss for words..
I don't mean Bella is really necessarily selfish, but it appears so. I don't mean so in "wanting Ellen." Wanting her like a prize. What's wrong with that I in a way know Ellen? That's mean to be mean to me for that. That's what Ellen did to me.. That's all Bella can say. So, sorry, some of what I said was hard to say, but I don't mean to label Bella as selfish for "wanting Ellen." I did say it was the most selfish thing I've seen, but that's to show 1 side of it. I seem really selfish, but I just wanted my life. It might be impossible to "get Ellen" or know her like Portia. What would you do anyway? I'm too old to be adpoted. Idon't want Ellen. I just feel made fun of and for some reason she doesn't completely like me in some way. What the *beep* is Bella doing? I understand too Ellen thinks I'm breaking away. I did say I'd rather make fun of her than force upon her myself. I feel too dry to cry, even. Why is my relationship with Ellen unfixable? I only was mad at the clicks in my room mainly. Once she said "half" when I was mad, and she acted like it was a big deal I said she couldn't do that. This was this past week.
Well, I'll let anyone out there read this now and I'll think of another hunk perhaps - usually don't.
I'm just upset about the fact I'm being blamed for my relationship with Ellen. I only got mad at the experiment. That's what I cursed at. They acted like it was Ellen saying that. That's what she is using against me. She even wanted me to do it, I think.. Who cares @ that! She shouldn't have been in this situation. Was she just here to do that? I was mad at Ginny for not caring about me in the end, as well, and wanting to be nicer to someone else and not making them feel like good bye.
I don't care if Ellen doesn't make others go through this, but she made me go through it or I did. It's just that she treats Bella better, and I am not talking to her but to other people and fans. I don't want her to change anything as I sha'n't forgive her for anything. She used what she did to me against me. What did I do? I only get fits sometimes. I don't feel I've enjoyed her as much, and things goto in the way later on, as well. She's just not as emotional in my opinion, like she can't get better and I didn't know why and still don't.
Why is Bella better? What would she do without her, be nicer to others? Why should we care @ Bella. She is just putting on a facade. Italians are like that, and she's also Spanish among other things or besides another.
Why did Ellen come in just to trash me? Constant noises in my room approved of by her. Let's just sit here and talk about, see if we can, the ways she annoys us just to be smart and aware. I don't know how else you'd like to put that, the ways she upsets us? If someone else were Bella, maybe it'd be nicer. I think I'm just mad that she does nice things for Bella and give me attention however apparently less, if that meant anything to you. I imagined the fans would post online and then we'd see what she says. She tells BELLA SHE IS BETTER THAN ME. Fine, I guess. I don't think 1 thing can be better than another when it comes to humans in general. I don't want to be enstranged and in trouble. I mean, does Bella even check her? I had asked already does Ellen send her clips or something?? Ellen is just a picture on a TV, too, and she's there to get tomatos thrown at her. I've praised lots of things. I just don't feel like things turned out okay..
Disclaimer, fine dedicate things to Bella, I'm happy but I feel insulted at the same time I guess as she is treated better. I'm not still okay, I'm the 1 who's being done against in this case for no reason! She probably didn't even know that at 1st at least! She acts like she has to know all these things, and it's like why do these things seem like good things to have matter?
But I think it's partly pretend, in which case I think or wonder if Bella said these things and feels this way about me and is just playing and not being serious and doesn't know what she's talking about. She is showing off her Floridian heritage but has too much LA and NYC heritage now. She is rich and can make a sand castle.
So, I don't know if I can say hooray to the happy couple as I close this off because I think they aren't exactly that. I just noticed a lot of big things happening because Ellen is upset @ the past, when for me it was a fight and struggle cuz ya'll are worthlessly mean to me about things. So.. who wants to talk @ it? I never will apoligize enough. Sorry if the part about Bella seeming selfish hurts anyone's feelings, but why would you demand to take away attention from Ellen?
I mean, it's like also she's the new favorite. She seems to have taken a spot in what I felt was my Ellen relationship, but what I wanted all along was less than what I have now. Let's talk @ it. I do feel sorta insulted and like I said I don't know why. Online, she used to have me and the other fans, and now she's gearing toward a famous teenager.. I mean that, yea, it just feels funny and I don't know why. She did post about seeing us on Monday. Let's talk @ this. Why don't ya'll ever post on my board? I mean then Ellen could talk to lots of people without showing 1 person off at me. I wouldn't have twice the fight.
I am happy, but it feels like a punishment. I just mean I get a funny feeling and don't know what it is. I've accepted already that I wanted more people in my life. I just feel like rushed, abandoned, and I want to admit I'm alone in general or more alone which makes a hole in my life like a donut that I have to fill for my tummy tum tum.
Does anyone else want in? Like on Bella? She's quite a baby, wants what she wants, takes advantage of being rude to me and treating me like a fly, too. Overally, she's nice when you get down to it but maybe needs to hang around people who aren't me. I just wanna talk about it. Like, oh, Bella.. let's sit here in standstill and just mention "Bella" every other time we do something. Funny thing is that's what happened to me, and I dont' question it really but when it would come to something like Ellen yea. I don't agree much with like say no one deserves Ellen, but she does know people.
So, just an unexplained funny feeling. Am I supposed to be jealous? Are all the juicy things going to Bella? I have to share with Bella an extra set of veins. I just feel Ellen is forgetting about me at last, which is fine and expected at least in some fashion it is to be imagined like that. Why was my time up and gone? That's not what I wanted. I had a hard time, and someone is up to no good, making fun of me about how I feel @ Ellen. I have no relationship with anyone it seems. I just feel like I don't have it now. She maybe never liked me as much as I her. I am not jealous of Bella, but I feel something has happened because of her. I do feel she gives a cry in the dark because she is part Spanish and Italian. Italians are dangerous. They hate the Chinese like the Jews. It's just so hysterical that she cries out for wanting Ellen. I mean, I thought she was confident and knew that she could meet her if she wanted just because she is famous and that Ellen also would meet attractive teenagers but not young adults, biding her time, yet again another thing. Don't you even find it selfish? I couldn't say these things before, but I guess I can just act like I'm not me. So what, I'm hurt all the time and never told Ellen to pay attention to me. I've never seen anything as selfish and high seated as this. Notice in this sentence I did not say Bella. It's just something for them to do, so why not do it to them, too? I can argue this isn't really how it is, but selfish, it's so funny to think Bella is selfish. Now, me, I just feel hurt, I'm not selfish. Like I said, I don't know why. Ellen thinks I cursed too much at her. I feel she is acting like this is a punishment and Bella is just being a *beep* like Helena Bonham Carter. These people are animals: "Why not just anyone have Tim Burton or Ellen DeGeneres? That means -I- can." That just will make people feel at a loss for words..
I don't mean Bella is really necessarily selfish, but it appears so. I don't mean so in "wanting Ellen." Wanting her like a prize. What's wrong with that I in a way know Ellen? That's mean to be mean to me for that. That's what Ellen did to me.. That's all Bella can say. So, sorry, some of what I said was hard to say, but I don't mean to label Bella as selfish for "wanting Ellen." I did say it was the most selfish thing I've seen, but that's to show 1 side of it. I seem really selfish, but I just wanted my life. It might be impossible to "get Ellen" or know her like Portia. What would you do anyway? I'm too old to be adpoted. Idon't want Ellen. I just feel made fun of and for some reason she doesn't completely like me in some way. What the *beep* is Bella doing? I understand too Ellen thinks I'm breaking away. I did say I'd rather make fun of her than force upon her myself. I feel too dry to cry, even. Why is my relationship with Ellen unfixable? I only was mad at the clicks in my room mainly. Once she said "half" when I was mad, and she acted like it was a big deal I said she couldn't do that. This was this past week.
Well, I'll let anyone out there read this now and I'll think of another hunk perhaps - usually don't.
I'm just upset about the fact I'm being blamed for my relationship with Ellen. I only got mad at the experiment. That's what I cursed at. They acted like it was Ellen saying that. That's what she is using against me. She even wanted me to do it, I think.. Who cares @ that! She shouldn't have been in this situation. Was she just here to do that? I was mad at Ginny for not caring about me in the end, as well, and wanting to be nicer to someone else and not making them feel like good bye.
I don't care if Ellen doesn't make others go through this, but she made me go through it or I did. It's just that she treats Bella better, and I am not talking to her but to other people and fans. I don't want her to change anything as I sha'n't forgive her for anything. She used what she did to me against me. What did I do? I only get fits sometimes. I don't feel I've enjoyed her as much, and things goto in the way later on, as well. She's just not as emotional in my opinion, like she can't get better and I didn't know why and still don't.
Why is Bella better? What would she do without her, be nicer to others? Why should we care @ Bella. She is just putting on a facade. Italians are like that, and she's also Spanish among other things or besides another.
Why did Ellen come in just to trash me? Constant noises in my room approved of by her. Let's just sit here and talk about, see if we can, the ways she annoys us just to be smart and aware. I don't know how else you'd like to put that, the ways she upsets us? If someone else were Bella, maybe it'd be nicer. I think I'm just mad that she does nice things for Bella and give me attention however apparently less, if that meant anything to you. I imagined the fans would post online and then we'd see what she says. She tells BELLA SHE IS BETTER THAN ME. Fine, I guess. I don't think 1 thing can be better than another when it comes to humans in general. I don't want to be enstranged and in trouble. I mean, does Bella even check her? I had asked already does Ellen send her clips or something?? Ellen is just a picture on a TV, too, and she's there to get tomatos thrown at her. I've praised lots of things. I just don't feel like things turned out okay..
Disclaimer, fine dedicate things to Bella, I'm happy but I feel insulted at the same time I guess as she is treated better. I'm not still okay, I'm the 1 who's being done against in this case for no reason! She probably didn't even know that at 1st at least! She acts like she has to know all these things, and it's like why do these things seem like good things to have matter?
But I think it's partly pretend, in which case I think or wonder if Bella said these things and feels this way about me and is just playing and not being serious and doesn't know what she's talking about. She is showing off her Floridian heritage but has too much LA and NYC heritage now. She is rich and can make a sand castle.
So, I don't know if I can say hooray to the happy couple as I close this off because I think they aren't exactly that. I just noticed a lot of big things happening because Ellen is upset @ the past, when for me it was a fight and struggle cuz ya'll are worthlessly mean to me about things. So.. who wants to talk @ it? I never will apoligize enough. Sorry if the part about Bella seeming selfish hurts anyone's feelings, but why would you demand to take away attention from Ellen?
GONE!
Bella Thorne is not as dedicated to her image online but is pretty smart. Looks like her backgrounds and profile pic are for Valentine's.
TV
"The Ellen DeGeneres Show" today made me feel bad because I felt as though I got mad.
She had 1 guy who seemed to shun me and call me not white and another who wanted to get too close just to me. Some people don't seem capable of getting close, simply put, or maybe give their true lover more freedom in ***.
What else??
Anyone like that commercial thing where the person's shoes cross and Ellen I think says, "Well, anyway." People seeme to wanna sit there and m.. to it. Well, you'll do that animalistic behavior on your own..
She had 1 guy who seemed to shun me and call me not white and another who wanted to get too close just to me. Some people don't seem capable of getting close, simply put, or maybe give their true lover more freedom in ***.
What else??
Anyone like that commercial thing where the person's shoes cross and Ellen I think says, "Well, anyway." People seeme to wanna sit there and m.. to it. Well, you'll do that animalistic behavior on your own..
Problems
I have an unhealthy relationship from my dad. He just got up as I got a private triumphant thought. What it is is I get stupid hurtful messages left just when I think I'm off it.
The people at Loyola should go to Hell for what they did to my education. I'm contacting a lawyer.
What else? My dad thinks I need to be punished and acts like he's conversing with Ellen. I grew up being told I was good mostly and wasn't punished and that I punished myself. It's because of this stupid Tim Burton stuff that the world does because of him. They act differently now.
And a simple tick in my room will do something, too.
The people at Loyola should go to Hell for what they did to my education. I'm contacting a lawyer.
What else? My dad thinks I need to be punished and acts like he's conversing with Ellen. I grew up being told I was good mostly and wasn't punished and that I punished myself. It's because of this stupid Tim Burton stuff that the world does because of him. They act differently now.
And a simple tick in my room will do something, too.
Forme
The difference for me was that instead of the HMS Titanic.. it was Hurricane Katrina. I just realized it sounds like my name.
Sad
I see not just that I was attacked but blamed for being careless after I was aware my life was being monitored. I was supposed to find another world and family, like and have adventures and that I was really a blonde and the youngest and therefore not prodded on, but I'd miss being the oldest.
So
Valentine's people.. parents check
Ellen - I was trying to say what's best @ her.
-1-her nose
-2-her hair
-3-her eyes
-4-her incredible skin
Ellen - I was trying to say what's best @ her.
-1-her nose
-2-her hair
-3-her eyes
-4-her incredible skin
Apology
I felt funny watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." I was involving myself too much while feeling unkept..
I'm not a physical wrestler but
I can fight any of you guys spinning in circles, you suggestive early childhood education jocks.
Upset
I'm not bored of ellen just find she is a machine that gets pleasure, like seems like an old bestie who is delirious that everything is @ her.
Something Missing in My Life
Why do I feel jealous of little Bella?
I know, I am used to feeling perfect. I don't need to be stimulated in a way. I am used to feeling fine in a group of people, perfect. Even if I do not feel emotionally turned on.
I know, I am used to feeling perfect. I don't need to be stimulated in a way. I am used to feeling fine in a group of people, perfect. Even if I do not feel emotionally turned on.
I just want to forget @ it.
If me being mad means my life is unfair because it was unfair to begin with..
I mean someone gets stuff because I messed up and no one does anything to anyone else.
I mean someone gets stuff because I messed up and no one does anything to anyone else.
Something I Want to Talk About
So, it seems that people think Bella is like what I think the old old me was and are nice to her and give her a chance. People are really mean to me and misguiding, and now because of Tim Burton or the experiment I have no hope for the future. The world did it.
Question
You seriously believe that what I want goes to people who are about 16. You even fudge "more" in. Anyway, what happened to the affection I got before CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY.
Something I Like to Talk About
When I was younger, though not in a clique, I was popular as a personality.
cont.
I was gonna not say anything, but then I saw my mom "did" something to me, which I liked, but I found it initially not to make sense. I also just got another popup thing. I don't wish to be treated like junk for being too busy to exercise cuz I have an appt. with my therapist.
Something I Wanted to Talk @
Just because I got mad yesterday, I am reminded yet again today with my dad snoozing in probably cuz he heard me + I am going somewhere when he's probably gonna leave today. He probably might have snoozed in anyway you'd think. I don't need my mom nor dad to suddenly "do" something to me.
Maybe
My mom knows too my dad overreacts to me, and not to her maybe.
It's like I meet someone else and they touch me, and if it's someone I like more than my family THEN they wonder.
It's like I meet someone else and they touch me, and if it's someone I like more than my family THEN they wonder.
Wah
If someone like Ellen makes me ^feel^ better why make my dad do it, too? I guess it's cuz he got that writing position. I mean, we already have our relationship and it works. What if I feel closer to someone else not in my family, like physically?
I feel so bad.
I was just talking, dunno why I got so upset. Guess I have to trudge through the rest. I mean, .. Maybe, I just need to use the ladies room and get some Pizza Pockets. I ate so healthy at Disney. I just mean they think my dad should stimulate me like he's Ellen or if Ellen does. People know too I've grown sensitive to him touching me, thought it made sense but maybe not. My parents don't touch me much these days each of them. :| It's sorta like they wanna total m.. effect. I don't believe they are capable of doing it well. I am so annoyed at the interjections I get that I can't do something related to something. I didn't feel well, neither, and such. Anyway, at Disney walking back.. someone thought my dad just wants my blood, like blood on the floor from making me feel. I have support in all my issues, and my dad keeps acting like I care what he thinks when he insults me and for no reason punishes me. My only offering is I can do it myself and am not antsy @ my dad making me feel exactly.
Also
I went to Lisa Kelly's Academy for singnig that's what I wanted money for but didn't actually yet attend but wanted to.
Dream cont.
I was with Lily Rose Depp, and she was so cute. Like I imagine. I kept hugging her. We were sitting at a rectangle table with a light on at night.
Apology
I wish I never posted @ my dad making me feel, I didn't mean anything. I wasn't even cursing @ anyone. The continued attacks made me irritated. I don't see why every time I get upset you think my Gramma is in charge and that means I get hurt in something to do with that or never get to do something related to it. 1st off, that didn't happen. I was just upset @ being bugged. Because of this, I've taken undue care in my writings, and it doesn't ^look right^.
A Thing
Why does my dad act like I will go crazy if I am not the best? I just know about people playing around with me with that, like pretending I'm no good at all. People act like I have queazy peeves on what ifs of things like more critical. I don't believe I do nor have done that. It just seems to be something I don't like so sometimes follow with.
Dream
I remember that it was a dark publicy building-y home. I found my fish in a bigger tank and a huge tang with other fish. Mine had bubbles. They had like anenome like a volcano. I was with other people, like a science lab, and my dad came in. Later on I wanted small pizza pockets. I left and came back I remember. I was with my dad and simply afraid he'd kill me. We were working. I was like a human resource worker. He was more like an animal.. I kept doing ^stuff^ for him. Like telling him about someone else, who probably was like Richard Carpenter.
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