You know..

..@ those friends, wonder I should have forgotten @ them, of course.  So sad.  Won't answer.   Still something in my life, though.

Video

Sarah Brightman

You don't listen to me, why should I listen to you?  Racist.

So

Let's not give a f*** @ Ellen cuz she is allowed to have an attitude.

Problem

My mom went out to sit by my dad and he's acting like making me happy is bad as though I did something but didn't.  Why does Ellen do this?  We are not niggers.

Problem

My dad is acting like that was a big deal.  I didn't even curse, though.

Problem

My dad is going around threatening me.  Acting like I did something when I didn't..

awww.

Now I feel so bad.  I wasn't really being mean but kinda specific, not just "ya ya ya."

Well, sorry.

You caught me at a bad moment.. You know I am not well.  If you must say I am Asian, okay, but like I thought that stimulated me, it does, I don't feel it, but it does.  You can talk about it.  Don't be afraid.  I tried to be like my dad racially.  I am a Eurasian!!!!  D;

Now

girls with 1960ish dads are the knight in shining armor for Mom.

So

Sorry if I offended anyone important.  :|

Let me see if this looks familar.

I am the 1 oneline.

What I Said

"Why is everything Sarah Brightman now? Is she so precious she believes she has to k*** me?"

That's just a simple way of putting it.  I meant, is it precious she thinks she'd want to hurt me knowing I exist?  Is that the English thing?  Being precious about their protocols and things we didn't get??

Question

Does Bella feel what Ellen does for her?  Does she feel that much that she gets ^the bottle^?  Why do we care about people like this?  I thought something in the world would be about me and maybe for some people to leave me alone and let me blog.  I do not mean I do not want people to never read anything I say, I don't even know now what it would be like if things were normal.  I don't want to be made fun of, but I mean there would be a reason for someone not to really know what I said if they had my blog.  It's not intersting, so I mean, they aren't missing much other than what has to do with them, like Bella and ^the bottle^.

It's too bad.

We exist.  We don't get ^the bottle.^  You are a mistake.  (Just poking fun but not meaning anyone.)

Well

How would you feel if you knew Ellen felt ecstasy in the fantasies we draw from her?

Mobile

may or may not post

What is it?

You just wanted to say I was Asian in a creative way?  Oh, I think I like European.  My whole life I just act European.  I am not disgusting..  I take what I know @ Chinese and apply it to the strengths it fills with European.  I don't think Chinese, I don't feel Chinese.  I was made to feel that way for no reason.  Now who did it must cut it out.  I was treated badly 1st by anyone.  This is not a request.  :]

And if you are into something Asian, just say it's a beautiful mystic place full of lovely black-haired, fair-skinned Mongoloids.  Mysterious, like Japan.

Like I Said

It was my dad.  They are playing around with me.  I can't have fun here.

Well

I don't remember ^what happened^.  I just didn't accept it.

You know what my parents did..

..they acted like Sarah Brightman called me Asian for her own convenience.  All I can say now is that I'm not.  I'm pretty forceful, too..  My dad did at his convenience, as well.  No one dare ever say I'm nigger or Asian just to say.  If that means bye, this thing isn't okay.  I don't care if you don't do anything for me, but I'm not to be insulted.  Sometimes, it is okay, though, but my dad did something and I was mainly mad at him-  I didn't do anything, but my mom kept pushing, and that wasn't okay.  I just heard it again..  I don't take this random past thing.  You were to forget @ the past.  Everyone always used to say that.

You know what..

I'm finding more attractive people, but we should find people who really like talk to Ellen in their heads.

I don't like..

"..does it matter?"

But you don't have to change for what I just said necessarily in every way..

Do you know anyone

who deserves things in the way I do?

I don't really care, but you have to make me.

What She's Doing

Like, she usually is my friend online but instead the feelings all go to Bella.. that's what I'm doing.  I don't mind not getting anything, but I am interested in the politics of this.

Well

It sounds like something she'd be interested in.  The dipping in part.

Whattaya Think?

Is Ellen acting a bit wacked online?  I mean it in the best possible way.  Like she acts like, "Ohhh" with a weird smile like you did something.  What?  I'm not all mad now.  I'll try to stop talking @ Bella, but sometimes I have an improvement.  So..are we supposed to talk @ Bella?  I just see her getting it just because she's here and like we don't matter.  I am happy for her and in no way am saying no.  I just feel insulted with her as a separate thing.  No hard feelings, I am just thinking @ the pain Ellen inflicts by babying the youngest.  Oh, I had a baby in 1997, I'm 50 years old blah blah blah blah blah, not talking to anyone in particular, though..!  "Why can't just anyone have it?" says Helena Bonham Carter.  And why does Bella look so much like Helena Bonham Carter and Sharon Osbourne who are English Jews?  F.Y.I. not exactly a Jew, not a full Jew.  Also, once I asked my dad to look at my green eyes in the mirror, and he told me to text my mom as I lay down and my eyes feel like I have to be careful..  Ellen is being pleasured dipping in leaving these annoying, tacky, g** *clues* of hers like she's on "Blue's Clues" as a young child.

Mobile

may or may not post

Do you ever think some people shouldn't have kids?  They just live a sorta backseat of the car life.

Problem

My dad thinks anyone who is nice to me is bad and does something to them.

So

Depp is notorious as far as popularity is concerned now.

Belief

Amber Heard does not deserve Depp?..  :|

I saw her feeling guilty.

Some people you don't get close to.

Don't say you didn't just do that.  My dad is never affectionate with me.  I have a distance.  It doesn't exist, and if it does it isn't right-

Don't worry,

Bella, Ellen takes good care of you.. and herself.

Hm..

Oh, she does come out sometimes.

Well

Ellen is just a smart person who looks right, which is attractive.

Well

I've decided Ellen doesn't know how to talk.  I do, even though I'm 1/2 Chinese.  I have hardly any Anglo blood.

Ehem.

Bella shows off her dark blue eyes, period.  Looks like mine as a baby, but now mine are light brown in the light, whereas Bella's are deep blue.  Actually light green mine.

Fine

Just say Bella is right.  I'll just leave.

I don't wanna be on her shit list.

Problem

Ellen is acting like I as a person am temporary and Bella is not..  I saw her do that in a picture just for the fun of it.  She just lets the time go by it seems, too, if you know what I mean.  Why would anyone do that just for Bella?  What did she do?  You're not busy clicking through her past to make judgements of lies.  This isn't necessarily something I'm directing @ Ellen but for other people to read and understand, of course I don't mean it in a harsh bad way.

Facebook

Cat Photo Friday

I also loaded the video to there, since the 1 on YouTube didn't work, at 1st.

Now why isn't this working?  Someone coming in breaking all my stuff?

New Video

Me Talking

Upset

Renee Fleming suddenly stopped posting on Twitter..  I was saying stuff she did on there, probably shoulda just staye don Blogger.

Wow, everything is going crazy.

You know I don't care @ my impression on mean people if out of the norm.

Int'r'sting

The Early Childhood programs come in 1 for school, 1 for hands on games, and 3 is called a type of Early Childhood Careers.

So

I'm so sad @ talking @ Bella so sloppily but want to know what's going on.  I was trying to boil it down, I guess.

Problem

My aunts violently think I must be like my dad, no style in a way like me but has 1 of his own.

I need to start driving .. and cleaning my room.  How will I ever live .. much less make any money?  Before I become successful, the Ellen Show will be long gone.

Problem

People accepted since I felt bad that Ellen is too old to be my mom.  That's an insult, and they felt the same @ mine.  I will not do this for anyone..

It's gotten to me.

Some weird glitch on my computer or some thing my parents do always seems to happen.. like for a reason.

No one has anything to say to me.

I just hear them saying the worst thing anyone could think.  Like the people experimenting on me.

Something That Might Not Need to Be Said

Well, Bella, something else I have that you want probably is Blogger.  It's so nifty and fun really.  It should be used for making happy posts.

I'll go back and analyze some of my writing.

Also, I just wanna talk @ giving more attention to teenagers today, in general.

Well, I explain what I said in the 1st post.

"always crunching in Bella for no reason.  This is not for Bella to talk about"

That might sound rude, but I have strong doubts that Bella cares @ Ellen DeGeneres, as rude as I think it is unfortunately..

"She just planted noises in my room all day"

Yes, I was trapped in my room with crazy noises and still am.  It bothered me greatly, and I could not seem to escape except by going to school, where I got planned to be kicked out for something.

"I think they're talking to Bella through her mom"

I dunno, I wouldn't care if I were her, but I guess it's a big day, someone "important" like Ellen.

"Who cares @ Bella"

I've explained this phrase, as well, does not mean to stop caring @ her just asking why all the fuss against me.

@ Ellen "Maybe she doies"
I was just concerned..

My caps.  I was just saying Bella IS being used as a punishment.  I had my Twitter slimmed down to a few and Bella started to get more attention and me not enough.  I don't think I should expect any, though, not from Ellen the famed.

Well, there it all is.  I was attacked with bipolar threats @ my writing.  See, it all was ballpark..  Sorry, though, wish I just went to bed.  I didn't watch the show, yet, neither.  Uh, and I have that group Monday, but a birthday party.  Don't even have a card nor money to buy 1.  On top of that, my Gramma had a stroke maybe.  She's only 83..  You know what, because I was upset at a certain person it so pretended to seem, now no one is ever nice to me and something else, my mom is always mean.  Making me uncomfortable each and every day.  Acting like I have a problem and am a case.

I feel..

..Ellen has gone crazy and is chiming in Bella for some reason.  Something came up, not exactly remembering it.

Wondering

Aren't I supposed to talk @ how I feel @ if Bella is in my life more for some reason?  She already was a #1 being followed.

I mean that's really what you're supposed to do, but maybe it could have been avoided if I Went to bed.

I'm glad you care @ Bella, but I feel it's a punishment I'm not so close to Ellen when I go on Twitter and it's weird, a punishment??  That's okay if that's what she wants.  I just feel sad @ it.  Happy @ Bella, though.

And something else after I posted this.

I didn't even shower and am trying to get to bed.

Problem

I'm getting a threatning, rather nasty attitude from th experimenters and trying to go to bed.

I was never bad like everyone else.  I'm still not.

Problem

I haven't showered so didn't get in bed, but I had to m.. twice @ this.  I've never done that.  I keep getting secret messages alone.

Do you like..

..or believe in Ellen the liar?

More

This isn't my idea of fun.  I feel I'm having a wrong kind of surgery.  I am fine.  Quit ruining my life.  Period.

And your dad thinks he has a bright 97 kid now.

Problem

I don't wanna feel my ears.  Right now.

Problem

They're making suggestions to me and I can't just keep pushing it.

All the times people were mean to me people say I deserve.

So-

Were you looking for my blessing of Ellen + Bella?  To always revel in that?  Weird.

All thes black ladies

going thru 2 a limited @ of times

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Thanks

JD I feel so threatened about my own personal well-being.  If you did it for me, I want my sound of mind.  I'm not shit.

I always say though

Whatever she wants she gets.

Hm

Other people are still interested in me.

Look

Who cares @ the baby?  What about the people before?

So

You want Bella to be me?  Everything just goes to Bella and no one else?  Why do I have to act like I have anything?  I don't feel good anymore.  Bella is getting more than she can chew.  Why can't I join in and complain like everyone else?

Problem

They are trying to close me off.

Now what?

Look now what will happen when that pops up @ the English boy every time you go to that tab? Too hard to change.

Problem

The experimenter told me this English boy I care about imprinted had thick hypnotic lines in his eyeballs.

I talk.  Okay?  How many times do I have to post this!

Also, I have a reminder.  It's on the task bar or something.  In a different browser.  Hey what are you talking about all now why did you load the page twice in a row too etc.?  WHAT IS GOING ON.  NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO IT COMES OFF AS AN INSULT.

PROBLEM

I did not insult Ellen, she insulted me.  Sure, she does a lot, but she also does a lotta bad.

WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH BELLA!!!!

Just forget all this?  No, she thinks I insulted her.  She is the 1 who rejects me.  I mean she thinks I was waiting for something from the past that wasn't there, like no I wasn't nice I don't pass GO.

BAH

This is too depressing and it isn't true.  But yes I got a downer.  People ask why you.  I ask why who.

But

Bella is special, too.

Just so you know..

..there are more Bella's out there, more beauties.

This

is what's normal.  You talk about something, something important you don't yet understand.  It's even how things work when no one else solves them.  This was mostly unnecessary, I was just mad, like stomping my feet, but I must say I am sad for some reason I don't feel as much of Ellen.  It means she's tired of me, when I've just been in misery for no reason.

I could stop, but I guess I'm not feeling that way about time.  I could just say less, but I didn't really know what to say.  What is Bella really doing, I must ask?  She is just feeling good and not talking to me but involved in me all the time online.

All I can say is this..

..I can say something.

Problem

So what is this another punishment?  I'm watching this show every day and this is what happens?  Where are all the other watchers, not online?

Let's just say I fend for myself, no Ellen there.. well, she wants to say she's there, and she's there, but in a way she's not there, though that's not important..  It seems my day isn't full of fun and feeling.  It was before Bella.

Problem

Why am I hooked on Ellen in such a way with all the energy going to Bella??  ':[  I don't care.

Recovery

I am happy but don't feel Ellen.  Never did exactly, but I'm not as feeling happy or anything.  :|

So

I'll maybe go through and read it.

Well

I went on IMDb and people were discussing c***ing.

Phrase

"Who cares @ Bella?"  I just mean that we care @ her too much and not anyone else and that I am dumped.  I can't even feel as well.

Apology

Sorry I was so mad, but you can go back and read what happened.  I'm trying to sort out my thoughts and figure it out.  All I can say is I could be more appropriate, except that some of what I said carried meaning.

Even if..

Even if it's wrong, Ellen is paying attention to Bella.  Too much, like she doesn't care @ me, anymore.  Maybe she doies, but I feel no affection.  I care @ Ellen.  Guess you do, too.  Who cares @ Bella?  What about all the other people from Fort Lauderdale?  What's so special @ it?  You should move there, possibly..then again maybe not.  Not as much as some other people maybe, .. dunno what would happen do you?

What I Found

I don't feel Ellen anymore, but Bella does.  Who cares @ Bella, though?  She wasn't in this.  I will find out what's wrong..

Well, Ellen might need a break.  Maybe, this is inappropriate.  Still, she insulted me, what I wanna talk about?

People are also making fun of me.

Forget her!  I'm kidding @ expressing myself with letters.

Rude

Ha ha how funny!

Problem

Ellen is the 1 who looks like she has a temper.  Now what?  I have to watch the show and she insults me online.  I don't feel close to her.  I also hit my head.

Problem

Ellen does spend undue time on me maybe, but I feel something is missing.  I was happy to have Bella onboard, but now Ellen talks to her all the time.  I don't feel I wanna talk to her anymore.  I don't feel her presence.  I feel like it's all @ Bella.  Why do I have to have her in my life!  She wasn't there before.  I thought she was my friend, not my replacement.  That just means I dunno I can't have her online it seems.  W** is Bella doing?

Mad

I have no one.

There's no mystery.

It's like no Christina.  What is going on?  Should I just call it quits and say hey I really have no one maybe?  I'm pretty lonely.  I think they're talking to Bella through her mom.

cont.

Ellen is acting like that's a punishment I deserve, to lose her kindness and to have to think @ someone younger when talking to her.  I don't deserve any punishment, and she has nothing to say online it seems, always crunching in Bella for no reason.  This is not for Bella to talk about but me letting out what's wrong before I can figure it out without saying anything because it's so hard I know.  Let me see if I can solve it from here?  Bella is getting appropriate attention.  Lots of it.  What about the other poeple?  I don't care if she's from where I'm from, she's still insulting me.  She just planted noises in my room all day, as though I dream @ her.  I understand, but I am not here to put toenail polish on anyone other than I do myself..  I am not saying no don't pay attention to her, but it depresses me each day that I think it's my age, too, and playing around punishing me.  What makes Bella so young and special today compared to her?

Problem

It makes me sad that Bella is talking to Ellen.  It's done in a way that's an insult to me and takes away time I had with Ellen, like she literally spends less time on me.

All I can say is if she did it normally, like judging from more people, I would not be sad.

... Bella was a friend, but now I think because of other people who are making me uncomfortable, I am losing communicating even through the experiment.

So

Is Ellen just putting on something looking for attention?  Was I supposed to take that @ being from New Orleans?  I know this sounds sarcastic, but it's not.  Should I call it quits or no?  She seems to always promise me something good in the end, but she keeps doing things like this.

Problem

So, it's apporpriate for the teens in her audience to feel?? but not I said the fly.  Just don't want to like dip my toes in the water?

Sorry

I had to apologize for some recent things.